I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
