So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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