2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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