If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
