last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she smelled like a LAN party
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
