so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
