first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
