i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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