do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
