He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
