Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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