my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
