My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Four minutes until I can fart!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
