So drunk its hurt
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i will never coherently bang her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
be right there i have to get my cape
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
