Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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