we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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