I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
