i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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