dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
