the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i drank out of a bidet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
