Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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