Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
