Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
