so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
