...so i touched it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
