I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
