I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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