So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
