winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
