Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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