two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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