im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
