She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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