I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
