I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
