Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
