good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
