if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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