Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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