Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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