She announced her abortion via fbk
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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