I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
