My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
