the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
