32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
