Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
