I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
