Just cropdusted the office
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
