I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
