she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
