ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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