just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
